My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
