whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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