he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
