I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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