you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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