Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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