I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
