I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
