I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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