Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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