I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
