You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
