1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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