help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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