did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
