I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
