ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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