I puked a lego.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
