dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
