I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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