I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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