I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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