The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
