uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she woke up with a sticky ear
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
