1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im holly from the hills drunk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
