Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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