one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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