When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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