Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
