This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize