idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
