i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
