currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
