Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
