I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
