his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
