Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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