mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
