Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
