dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
