I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
