Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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