Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize