I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
