i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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