Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
