Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
