Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
