so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
