I love having hate sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
