I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
