Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
