ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
