I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
