shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
