It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found your dick twin last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
