exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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