First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
