If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You pole danced in your parka.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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