I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
