what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
