I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
