I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
