"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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