My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
