Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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