I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
