I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
