Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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