Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
