i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
