...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
