Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
