So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize