I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
