Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize